Yeah I couldn't see straight but my thoughts were surprisingly clear

Two weeks ago: On the way home from work, I was actually pretty upset. Like kind of crying and wondering how, emotionally, I allowed myself to get to the position I currently find myself in. On the level of, oh, what a predicament.

I think I felt the widest range of emotions I've endured in quite a while. It went from sadness to fury to remorse to a zen-like calm and a steel resolve. Seriously, a lot to run through in roughly 15 minutes. What almost made me feel better was going to Applebee's by myself and having a couple of beers and some mini cheeseburgers. Eventually, I sauntered home around 1:15 a.m. and then set upon a little project I envisioned for myself. It was gratifying and maybe even therapeutic. I feel like I put a lot of thought into it and executed it about as well as someone named Jon-Michael could be expected to. My hope is that it does not go unappreciated...it certainly will not go unnoticed, unless by divine intervention.

It's quite funny and subsequently sad that there are no idols in my life any more. No one is my hero, there is no one I put up on a pedestal, etc. I mean, maybe those are things we do as children and it's a phase to grow out of. But even though children believe in foolish things, it's still better than the alternative. The other cool part of being a kid is when you screw up, people chalk it up to you being young and think it's cute.

When you're an adult, screw ups and misspoken words are no longer cute. You learn they hurt people and there's no such thing as a quick fix. You also learn that, in most cases, the people you hurt and the people who hurt you are the ones closest to you. It's understandable but the reality is overwhelming to accept at times.

Postscript: I wrote everything above this about two weeks ago as the first sentence alluded to. I'd like to say that I've become a little bit of a better person and have spent time with the people who mean the most to me in life. Not everything in life sucks but there are times where you have to sort through the rubbish to get to the good part.

Thoughts for tonight: I'm going to go shower, run to the post office, hang with my brother for about an hour, go to Ocala and have dinner with a special friend then hit karaoke at the Common Grounds in Gainesville tonight. Overall, I am pretty excited about the vast potential this evening holds. Oh, and I'm like a boss.